We had a cold spell earlier in October, but the weather cleared up beautifully and it has been a delightful November. I suppose that’s technically not a good thing, as it’s probably due to climate change and global warming and negative human impact on the environment, but I really enjoyed the novelty of the warmth (does that make me a bad person?).
Now, however, it appears that winter is really settling in. The air feels chilly. I wake up in the morning and I’m already cold before I crawl out of bed. The blinds in the windows have to be closed to retain the heat inside the building.
Here are some inventive ways to keep warm when you live somewhere in the world where it is winter for 3/4 of the year:
Disclaimer: I do not necessarily condone or approve of all of these ideas. But if you’re freezing cold and in dire need of warmth, you just might find that something in here helps
1. Do sets of jumping jacks periodically throughout the day. 100 reps may be necessary per set, depending on degree of coldness in a poorly-heated apartment.
2. Invest in a really big, really fluffy dog. Maybe a Mastiff. Maybe a Great Pyrenees. Maybe a St. Bernard. Whichever you choose, it should be big enough and soft enough to make for a good blanket. Be careful that it isn’t so big that it suffocates you, though. Being stepped on at night by an English Mastiff (not mine) kind of knocks the wind out of you. Trust me.
3. Have a constant pot of tea heated up in your apartment with spare change in your pocket in case you’re out and about and, Heaven forbid, you forgot your tea at home. Ideally keep three or four go-mugs in various locations- home, work, school, car- with extra teabags just in case of an emergency. Hot water shouldn’t be too difficult to find, even if you have to beg.
4. Cook a lot of food in the oven. Stand in front of it while things cook. Try not to burn yourself on the door when you get too close in an attempt to steal its warmth. You can also bake instead. This has the added bonus that a) your house will smell lovely, and b) you’ll eat more, probably gain weight, and the extra fat might act as good insulation from the cold.
5.”Borrow” big comfy sweaters from friends. Don’t return them. Ever. Instead, horde them in your closet and wear several of them on top of each other until you resemble a marshmallow.
6. Hire someone to install a woodstove in your apartment (maybe don’t tell your landlord about this one. I’m sure that when you move out, it will be just as easy to putty up the massive hole from your brand-new woodstove as the nail-holes in the walls from hanging pictures).
7. If you know someone who lives in a really warm house, move in with them under the pretense that your place got broken into, is getting renovations done, caught fire, etc etc.
8. Scotch and other forms of alcohol can be very warming. Need I elaborate?
9. Hibernate for the winter. Don’t even get out of bed; just pile on the blankets and curl up under them with a few hot water bottles. Bears do it, why can’t we?
10. Say “screw it”, sell all of your belongings, hop on a plane and live for the rest of your life on a beach where it never gets below 20 degrees Celsius.
What are some of your favourite ways to keep warm in the winter months?